Search found 18 matches

by vrash
Mon Jan 15, 2007 8:20 pm
Forum: Humor
Topic: Give a Man a Fish...
Replies: 0
Views: 10073

Give a Man a Fish...

One day, a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered deeply into the hole examining it for fish. Suddenly, a loud voice boomed, "There are no fish down there." Surprised, but not discouraged, the fisherman continued on. He walked several yards away, drilled anoth...
by vrash
Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:51 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: Questions on the Universe and the Meaning of Life...
Replies: 0
Views: 9908

Questions on the Universe and the Meaning of Life...

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?...
by vrash
Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:46 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: Does It Hurt When I Do This?
Replies: 0
Views: 10031

Does It Hurt When I Do This?

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. ...
by vrash
Tue Dec 26, 2006 2:18 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: 'Twas The Day After Christmas...
Replies: 0
Views: 9607

'Twas The Day After Christmas...

'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head. Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, While upstairs the family continued to snore. And I in my T-...
by vrash
Mon Dec 18, 2006 4:11 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: Had a Very Shiny Nose..
Replies: 0
Views: 9637

Had a Very Shiny Nose..

A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain," he said. Well, as these things go, t...
by vrash
Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:59 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: A Senior's Advice on Law Enforcement...
Replies: 0
Views: 9005

A Senior's Advice on Law Enforcement...

George Phillips, 65, of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He p...
by vrash
Sat Nov 11, 2006 6:00 pm
Forum: Humor
Topic: Masculine Maladies...
Replies: 0
Views: 6781

Masculine Maladies...

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Uni...
by vrash
Thu Nov 09, 2006 12:32 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: If You Had One Wish...
Replies: 0
Views: 6469

If You Had One Wish...

A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up. Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish." The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to f...
by vrash
Fri Nov 03, 2006 11:29 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: So I Married an Atheist ...
Replies: 1
Views: 6550

So I Married an Atheist ...

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She explained to her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell!" Her mother replied, &...
by vrash
Wed Oct 18, 2006 4:51 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: Otto, The Amazing Octopus...
Replies: 0
Views: 6580

Otto, The Amazing Octopus...

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus: "Hello, everybody! This is Otto, the Amazing Octopus. He can play any instrument in the world!" Everyone in the crowd laughs at him, of course, so...
by vrash
Tue Oct 10, 2006 1:57 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: Brotherly Love...
Replies: 0
Views: 6553

Brotherly Love...

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Wi...
by vrash
Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:52 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: Legally Blonde...
Replies: 0
Views: 6604

Legally Blonde...

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other at the bar. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, drunk and dozing, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and exp...
by vrash
Mon Sep 18, 2006 7:44 pm
Forum: Humor
Topic: Speedy Seniors
Replies: 0
Views: 6696

Speedy Seniors

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices tha...
by vrash
Fri Aug 18, 2006 12:30 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: Amazingly Simple Home Remedies
Replies: 0
Views: 6781

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about ...
by vrash
Wed Aug 16, 2006 10:45 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: Do You Know How to Get Even?
Replies: 0
Views: 6563

Do You Know How to Get Even?

A husband and his wife begin to get snugly in bed and when just as things are heating up, his wife stops him and says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me." "What!!!??" the frustrated husband replies. "You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman,...
by vrash
Wed Aug 09, 2006 6:48 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER
Replies: 0
Views: 6447

EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender... *Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. *Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right button...
by vrash
Sat Aug 05, 2006 9:00 pm
Forum: Humor
Topic: The Local Game Warden
Replies: 0
Views: 6653

The Local Game Warden

The local game warden in a small town in Oregon had arrested a man for killing and eating an Egret. The man went before a judge to plead his case. After pleading guilty, but with an explanation, the judge asked him why he did it. "I was just trying to feed my hungry family," he told the ju...
by vrash
Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:32 am
Forum: Humor
Topic: The Americans and The Japanese
Replies: 1
Views: 6025

The Americans and The Japanese

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for t...